McSweeneys.Net is a really wonderful site to find funny things to read. I particularly like their reviews of new food (long!). But this one is really good, and fits our theme:
An Open Letter to Omaha Steaks:
Meat is supposed to be manly and strong, but you are acting weak and needy. Please pick yourself up by the flank, brush off those chops, and move on. I promise that I will be in touch should I ever again start salivating over the thought of a piece of your ass, or thigh, or lower rib area.
[ Inspiration credits to: Slashfood ]