This brief dearth of any substantial writing brought to you by a one-time gig writing something for These Jerks.

Meanwhile, stay tuned for another steak mosaic and maybe I’ll drag something out of the pile of Drafts stinking up the place.

Longtime fans of SteakFeed should know, we’re not exactly gung-ho gadget freaks when it comes to preparing steaks well. As a matter of fact, we seem to even disdain using any kind of thermometer at all. Snobs that we are, you’d totally not be surprised to find us mocking the following:
Grill Right Wireless Talking BBQ/Oven Thermometer.

Here’s the problem, according to the product marketing literature: they want you to act like “[there's n]o need to wait by the grill to find out when dinner is ready—this wireless thermometer verbally alerts you when the meat has reached the perfect temperature.

First of all, out of curiosity, I’m going to try getting my hands on one of these for a field test. I really want to find out what kind of voice they choose for a talking thermometer.

Second of all, what??

Imagine your dad: “No need to wait by the grill?!? Oh golly! I’ll just trundle my fat dad-ass down to the workshop and fire up the old Dremel set. Maybe see if I can finish off some of the expressive detailing on the animatronic, Lucite Hansel and Gretel cuckoo clock while the fish grills!”

Your mother: “Stanley! Get back here right this minute! You know better than anyone the signal range on that goddamn piece of metallic crap is far less than 330 feet in practice given the various construction materials and techniques used to build this cantilevered deck and rec-room addition!! You’ll never receive even an “out of range” alarm!”

Meanwhile, the halibut cheeks good ol’ Dad threw on have become about as tender and flaky as those of a Le Mans-era Steve McQueen.

What I’m saying is, except in the rare case when you’re doing a long-haul, actual Bar-Be-Cue of a large cut of meat like a brisket or a whole turkey… just effing stand there by the grill in your Bermuda shorts, holding a Tom Collins and monitor things yourself. You deserve the knowledge, experience, and quality robbed from you by over-dependence on wireless talking pieces of crap. And for the last time, get that damn Bluetooth thing out of your ear. You look like a robot.

Via some other page about gadgets …

Apparently, cows “want” to walk around in the sunshiny green meadows, and to not be treated like machines.

I wonder if they also “feel resentment” about being cut up and grilled?

Whatever your point of view (and I hope you’re here because your point of view is that you really, really love to eat the bountiful goodness provided for our health and pleasure by God’s wonderous creation, Cattle) … I just want to say, they’re talking about DAIRY cows. It’s DAIRY cows who are trying to band together to demand better working conditions in the production of MILK! This has 100% NOTHING whatsoever to do with the cattle whose sole purpose on this earth is as a vessel for the conversion of vegetable matter into life-giving beefsteak which brings us closer to holiness.

Thank you very much,
The SteakFeed Team.

I’m not sure you’ll notice, unless you take your cue from the empty cartons laying around and the stale odor, but we’ve just recently come up at some new hosting digs.

Yeah, the place is looking a little bit of a shambles. That big ugly green box across the top; the logo hanging out one of the side windows; the little doodads and crap that have settled back down into a jumble on the bottom floor.

But we’ll get the grill fired up here pretty soon, and tidy up a bit. We think you’ll like it here a little bit better. It’s faster, for sure. And we have a bunch more flexibility with what we can do. We might even put up a Steak Wiki out back, who knows?

Keep us in your thoughts, drop by for a drink and to socialize every now and then.

1. Caesars Palace - Nero’s ribeye steak, 2. Steak me, 3. MMMM Meaty, 4. Another cow, 5. Breaking Diet / Mmm Steak / Day 7, 6. BBQ Orgy.., 7. F*ck You Disgusting Flesh Ads!, 8. YES, I’m Hungry!, 9. Beer and Steak, 10. A friend. Wibaux, Montana., 11. schteak, 12. Project365-097
Steak Mosaic 6/15/07
Originally uploaded by Quacky

Created with fd’s Flickr Toys.

Guitar Dynamics: What did the pork chop say to the steak?
Nice to meat you!

Quiet These Paintings Are: what the f*ck dan

 

 

  For Father’s Day, Get Him What He Wants Most: Steak and Beer!

If your dad’s anything like mine, he tells you that he wants absolutely nothing for Father’s Day. What he really means is that he just doesn’t want to see YOU on Father’s Day.

Seriously. Happy Father’s Day, dads. Eat a steak!

I’m studying a WSJ Online article today about Wagyu beef. It’s quite interesting. I think it was way easier figuring out another very esoteric and expensive proposition: buiding diamonds. Get this:

…finding good Wagyu can be a complicated proposition. Cross-breeding among the cattle is common, and most products on the market are actually half-Wagyu, half-Angus, says American Wagyu Association spokesman Charles Gaskins. Some ranchers and retailers aim for a higher percentage — Morgan Ranch says its cows are mostly 75% to 80% Wagyu, while Lobel’s says it requires a minimum of 87.5%. There are no federal rating systems for Wagyu — unlike most steak sold in supermarkets, labeled by quality from “select” to “prime,” it’s not graded by the U.S. Agriculture Department. Finally, almost every ranch has a proprietary blend of grain and roughage for the cattle’s diet, and cows that are raised longer can yield more marbled steak

Apparently there is even some fair degree of deceptive marketing involved, with online retailers claiming to sell American-raised “Kobe beef” (you can only call it Kobe if it’s been raised, by hand most likely, in Kobe, Japan).

I doubt you’ll see us taste-testing them… until of course the paid sponsorships begin, and we can shell out for five hundred bucks worth of steaks.

Via: Moments of Clarity: Do you Wagyu?