MILWAUKEE—A Piggly Wiggly-sponsored scouting report shown during an at-bat by Brewers shortstop J.J. Hardy Sunday indicated that his major weakness is a hankering for Piggly Wiggly-brand certified angus beef boneless rib-eye steaks, now just $4.99 a pound.
“The excessively high level of pork loins, sirloin tips, bratwurst, and other meats was indisputably the number-one factor in these deaths,” said Chicago mayor Richard Daley, speaking from his temporary command center at Ruth’s Chris Steak House on North Dearborn Street.
MONTPELIER, VT—A bag of Murley’s Steak & Onion Potato Chips deeply disturbed Montpelier-area snacker Vince Houghton Monday, delivering an artificially created flavor so similar to actual steak and onions as to be unsettling.
For the following, a tip of my hat must go out to the biggest and awesomest steak-tipper of the month, my bud Josh_Bomb whose delightful antics can be found all over the internet, and the world at large as well:
Go to the goddamn grocery and get steak. Yes, the grocery. A little ammonia is not going to kill you, you pussy.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.
Bend over Abigail May is the title of the blog post pointing out this insane steak rant by one of my most favorite awesome comedians, Patton Oswalt. It’s dirty and loud and you most definitely need headphones, especially if at work or with children or grandmothers around.
“Every time you eat a steak, a hippie’s hackey-sack goes down the sewer.” –P.O.
and one more time, let’s hear it for totally rad food scumbags at Grocery Eats
