steakFEED

It’s not about steak at all. but about some baseball stats for a homie of mine on sportsblogsnation.com *(not real URL).

This brief dearth of any substantial writing brought to you by a one-time gig writing something for These Jerks.

Meanwhile, stay tuned for another steak mosaic and maybe I’ll drag something out of the pile of Drafts stinking up the place.

Longtime fans of SteakFeed should know, we’re not exactly gung-ho gadget freaks when it comes to preparing steaks well. As a matter of fact, we seem to even disdain using any kind of thermometer at all. Snobs that we are, you’d totally not be surprised to find us mocking the following:
Grill Right Wireless Talking BBQ/Oven Thermometer.

Here’s the problem, according to the product marketing literature: they want you to act like “[there’s n]o need to wait by the grill to find out when dinner is ready—this wireless thermometer verbally alerts you when the meat has reached the perfect temperature.

First of all, out of curiosity, I’m going to try getting my hands on one of these for a field test. I really want to find out what kind of voice they choose for a talking thermometer.

Second of all, what??

Imagine your dad: “No need to wait by the grill?!? Oh golly! I’ll just trundle my fat dad-ass down to the workshop and fire up the old Dremel set. Maybe see if I can finish off some of the expressive detailing on the animatronic, Lucite Hansel and Gretel cuckoo clock while the fish grills!”

Your mother: “Stanley! Get back here right this minute! You know better than anyone the signal range on that goddamn piece of metallic crap is far less than 330 feet in practice given the various construction materials and techniques used to build this cantilevered deck and rec-room addition!! You’ll never receive even an “out of range” alarm!”

Meanwhile, the halibut cheeks good ol’ Dad threw on have become about as tender and flaky as those of a Le Mans-era Steve McQueen.

What I’m saying is, except in the rare case when you’re doing a long-haul, actual Bar-Be-Cue of a large cut of meat like a brisket or a whole turkey… just effing stand there by the grill in your Bermuda shorts, holding a Tom Collins and monitor things yourself. You deserve the knowledge, experience, and quality robbed from you by over-dependence on wireless talking pieces of crap. And for the last time, get that damn Bluetooth thing out of your ear. You look like a robot.

Via some other page about gadgets …

Apparently, cows “want” to walk around in the sunshiny green meadows, and to not be treated like machines.

I wonder if they also “feel resentment” about being cut up and grilled?

Whatever your point of view (and I hope you’re here because your point of view is that you really, really love to eat the bountiful goodness provided for our health and pleasure by God’s wonderous creation, Cattle) … I just want to say, they’re talking about DAIRY cows. It’s DAIRY cows who are trying to band together to demand better working conditions in the production of MILK! This has 100% NOTHING whatsoever to do with the cattle whose sole purpose on this earth is as a vessel for the conversion of vegetable matter into life-giving beefsteak which brings us closer to holiness.

Thank you very much,
The SteakFeed Team.

I’m not sure you’ll notice, unless you take your cue from the empty cartons laying around and the stale odor, but we’ve just recently come up at some new hosting digs.

Yeah, the place is looking a little bit of a shambles. That big ugly green box across the top; the logo hanging out one of the side windows; the little doodads and crap that have settled back down into a jumble on the bottom floor.

But we’ll get the grill fired up here pretty soon, and tidy up a bit. We think you’ll like it here a little bit better. It’s faster, for sure. And we have a bunch more flexibility with what we can do. We might even put up a Steak Wiki out back, who knows?

Keep us in your thoughts, drop by for a drink and to socialize every now and then.

This is a pretty big deal for us. Probably not such a big deal for you. But stay tuned. We’ve got some surprises in store for SteakFEED.com.

You might observe things get bumpy or flaky. Or, considering the fact that there are so few of you, reading so seldom, this whole thing might pass by completely unnoticed.

If a blog crashes but nobody reads it, does it make a sound?

Hats of Meat

Because it’s a classic.

I spent some time the last few days making some real spiffy changes to our layout, incorporating the flare new logo and some more color.

There’s still some stupid or silly quirks, like that the logo somehow resists scrolling for a while down the page, and the right-most sidebar thingy only displays beneath the ads, unless you’re on a really wide screen.

But otherwise, it looks pretty great, huh?

Bonjour Laser Probe Combo:
Laser probe combo measures the temperature of cooking surfaces
- Bonjour - Brands - Sur La Table

It looks like how G.I.Joe might check his steak’s temperature in the field.

vs.

Reusable Steak Button Thermometers:
Use these button thermometers to gauge your steak
- Grilling & Barbecue - Features - Sur La Table

These lil guys are really cute, but how accurate can they be, right?

Steak Feed :: MEAT CAKE :: August :: 2006 Steak Feed

Reposted in recognition of Dethroner’s Bachelor Party Week

psst. I have a question for you, it’s not right for the bride-to-be to put limits on what kind of fun stuff I can do for the wedding+reception is it? Like: “Top hat or meat cake. but not both!” I mean, yeah yeah. It’s her special day and all that claptrap. But, it’s fricken my special day too, right? I can put Judas Priest in the after-dinner playlist, right??

Not that we really even have stats to check, but we’ve decided to remove the SiteMeter free web statistics package from all of our pages. It seems they’ve elected to do a partnership with a shady internet marketing metrics provider called SpecificClick. They’ve started to fess up to it, but I tend to believe that before you go installing suspicious code that sets off alarms in millions of readers’ anti-spyware software, you should run it by your community and gauge the reaction. They claim they’re gonna be able to offer lots of gee-willikers features with this snoopy poopy junk in their counters. I just think it’s a rotten way to do business.

Plus there are better free Stats trackers out there anyways.

Robert J. Bolesta : an alphabet made of packages of ground beef. Most likely not steak, but red and meaty nonetheless.

This is so cool I had to make a special Not Steak category just for it.

It’s a SteakFeed-like directory, more regionally focused to the Pacific Northwest, about sushi places and sushi!

I love sushi. But not as much as the STEAK.

In fact, failing to make proper Val-Kilmer-tine’s reservations early enough has caused me to concoct the brilliant plan to bring home sushi instead. From one of SushiMonsters’ highly rated places, Koibito!
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